i can't even quite put it into words how much i love new york city. and how the energy of new york city just gets me all psyched up, and happy. haha. i was just filled with this kind of wonder watching everything that was going on around me in new york. its bloody f-ing awesome i tell you (:

shit. now i really want to do my masters in nyc :p hahaha.

more when i've kinda controlled this nyc-craziness i currently feel so consumed in. grins.

but nyc wouldn't have been nyc without a few ppl: kaleni, dione, navin, rachel and kayli (:

and now i'm stuck onto gui boratto's playlist from studio b. snorts.

i'm totally enjoying myself here in new york city (:

been roaming the streets by myself or with dione/kaleni/kayli. and its been ABSOLUTELY AWESOME :D so much shopping has been done. teeheehee. and MORE TO COME! will be hitting soho, nolita, noho, greenwich, west village & east village over e next few days. boutiques, cafes & vintage shopping here i come :D

sighs. i need to stop getting so teary everytime i ring my grandma

when you die.. what would you want to be remembered for? your brilliant career, your family, your wealth, the awards you won, the schools you went to or the person you are? while i'd like the last one. i suppose its really hard to be remembered by just that, especially to people who don't know you closely and once those who know you are gone. does your time on this earth die with them too?

i'm really sad about natasha richardson's death. such a sparkling woman, gone so early. evening & parent trap are the only two movies of hers that i watched, almost ten years apart. but so endearing, so lovely.

i'm flying off to new york is around 24 hours :D EEKS I CAN'T WAIT!!!

DO CHECK OUT WANDERINGLOVE!!! (the link is by e side under 'hello sunshine') hahaha. anything fashion, food and travel centric is gonna be put there :D

love love.

[edit] i think there is something to be said about some of the prejudices we have. like how when we were younger, we used to go 'omg, who are these ppl. they all converse in chinese' and we had our set ideals of what was acceptable/normal. i suppose we can just say such close-mindedness is due to age. young we were then :p hahaha. and i like to think that alot of us (my friends & i) are more open-minded and less judgemental nowadays. but yet i still see some people who are so close-minded, so fixated on this stagnant idea of 'cool' from jc/sec school days. standing there with a permanently bored, i'm so much better than this look on their face, all doing the same things, moving permanently as a group and just so plainly fucking BORING -.- sheesh. i try. i really do try to like have conversations with them. and then it basically just falls into the basic round about same few -------- kinda conversations that my mind kinda tunes out after awhile. they all think e same way damnit 0_o its like drones. snorts. cm & cass will understand. i love my friends (: they're all funny, different, eccentrice, one-of-a-kind and irreplacable. [/edit]

一人一半 感情不散
一人一素故 感情才會久
時光累計 安靜的淚滴
一心去追 愛那么可貴

這樣的人 這樣地等
無非是等個回應眼神
為愛翻滾 不計傷痕
甘心為你一生都浮沉

這樣的人 別笑我蠢
傻傻的 心痛也不覺疼
就算天冷 就算殘忍
等你想起這沒用的人

一人一半 感情不散
已經找到愛 為何要離開

時光累計 安靜的淚滴
一心去追 愛那么可貴

its really stupid how i'm sitting here in the basement of the NAB, staring at the sky out of the window, and feeling my eyes sting.

i miss my ah mah.

i think i need to open one of ming's packages tonight

every now and then. you pop up in my thoughts. and despite the slight bitter taste in my mouth.. i still think of you fondly. of the simple easy times. and i wish. oh how i wish that things were better. not so uncomfortable, not so misunderstood. i misunderstood, you misunderstood. and we both hurt because of that. back then, and maybe abit now.

it doesn't have to be reciprocal. just know that someone is thinking of you.

the fact that my heart can twinge. makes me feel assured i still can feel (:

i wish i had shots like that of me. rather than have to instruct ppl to take shots in a certain way -.- it feels rather contrived and forced somehow.

it rocks and sucks being the photographer of the group.

oh gossip girl gossip girl (: you have returned. and i am happy.

i'm SUPER psyched for nyc :D OMG I ABSOLUTELY CAN'T WAIT! teeheehee. i'm so splashing out big time. esp with kal. grins. i'm going to be in gossip girl central. please hope that i don't swoon and smash my head onto e pavement if i see ed westwick. hello lovely. hahaha

and so.. armed with a whole series of constantly changing outfits, my hairbands, boots, plimsolls, flats, blazer, leggings, holga, supersampler, canon ixus, ipod, guidebooks, novels and trusty longchamp bag. here i come to conquer new york :D

oh but i'm only leaving friday morning. snorts. excuse the excited rambling!

gods. i'm so going to fail commercial contracts.

its really a wonderful wonderful course. so wonderful that some chapters have NO READING WHATSOEVER, NO TEXTBOOK REFERENCES, OR HAVE SO MANY BOOKS REFERENCES WE CAN'T POSSIBLY GET, OR GIVE THE WRONG REFERENCES! wtf. and don't even get me started on the lecturers. i think i just wrote my angriest ranting survey on my CC tutor/lecturers ever.

i'm thinking of...

national day assemblies in e rgs amphitheatre
chinese new year 2nd day parties with my extended family - always playing in the rain
sbc/tcs dramas that made my night every night
making ba zhang with ah mah
screw round table in the rgs canteen
running out of school with jeremy
prata dates
neoprints
walks by the singapore river
poems, speeches, drama, games and friends on sundays
late night dance practices
injury taping
walking the seemingly long walk to katong community centre
driving down ecp
fighting with my mum over the kitchen

oh so much so much. i'm missing home. all because shiyang got me started on fu man ren jian. grumbles

well if you know me well enough, nothing more needs to be said. you know why you should support this:

http://webakewithlove.blogspot.com/
http://www.blessxiaoou.net/eng/

if you don't. well. because there isn't never enough love in this world and because life is not fair.

i'm in a really grumpy mood today. because i'm sleepy, tired and stressed out again by massively fluctuating grades. sighs. i just need to get this stupid week over and done with. and then on friday i'll be in nyc. gods. i can't wait.

so yes. annoying ppl please piss off.

i think as singaporeans, the idea that we are a small and sometimes helpless country and hence have to band together and constantly rely on & support each other has been too deeply ingrained into us by the education system in singapore. i was stupid enough to get duped into doing stupid unnecessary things, that actually created a bit of a monster, in my first year. no more. lesson learnt. i'm only going to help friends/ppl i believe in.

and seriously. you can't even remember who the hell i am (despite all your questions i answered), but its ok to ask for my vote & support. seriously, are you kidding me. just because i'm singaporean? piss off.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you

I'll pretend that I'm kissing
The lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you

All my loving, I will send to you
All my loving, darling I'll be true

---------------------------

When I was young
Lying in the grass
I felt so safe
In the warming bath

Of sunlight
Of sunlight

Vast open sky
Could do no harm
Like an embrace
From mother's arms

In sunlight
In sunlight

In sunlight
In sunlight

With every year
That came to pass
More clouds appeared
'Til the sky went black, and there was

No sunlight
No sunlight
And there was

No sunlight
No sunlight
Anymore

And it disappeared at the same speed
As the idealistic things I believed
The optimist died inside of me

No sunlight

----------------------

i'm filled with this bone-deep weariness. from what exactly i can't really put my finger on it. its something that even large amounts of sleep can't cure. i slept, woke up, ate dinner, fell asleep again, woke up, and before even i got out of bed, fell asleep again. its definitely a form of escapism. but from what really? i have nothing to escape from here..

i need to dance. to restore that peace and calm inside of me. to return to a place where it is simple. and while i want to do latin next year and compete. a part of me really just aches for what that started it all. ballet and contemporary dance. i don't like how so many ppl do latin here because of the wide support there is for it, how its cool, or sexy. despite not bothering with it in the past. shrugs. too many faces. i want to stop hiding behind a partner, or to constantly rely on someone..

resolution for the new year. dance. i miss the freedom and flow i felt doing modern/lyrical.

i struggle daily with this need to make a difference

shopaholic movie tonight was just heart-warming, happy and brought back happy memories of me curled up in my bed late at night, devouring the shopaholic series and dreaming of such crazy shopping sprees. haha.

and it also brought back memories of a certain LL. who scoffed at my selection of chick lit, who crushed whatever interest i had in writing, and the confidence in that writing. her unnecessary judgemental words put me off literature. with a combination of other factors (i won't give her influence on me much credit), time, interest and such, the number of books i've read since my 408 days are dismally few. and it makes me quite sad really.

i'm quite glad she isn't teaching anymore. she had no right to be a literature teacher. being the close-minded and judgemental she is. i have no qualms about admitting i love the shopaholic series and the happy mindless fluffiness of it all. i don't think just because i choose to read such books makes me less of a person or less intelligent.

so this time i'm heading to nyc. armed with a classic (persuasion by jane austen), chick lit (the flirt by kathleen tessaro) and norwegian wood.

and fuck you LL.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time - It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love.

for you my love (: you are more precious to me than you will ever know. till june, till september, till i go home, and till you come. i swear i will make it better. like how you made so much better.

i constantly fear the reasons guiding the want/need to go home won't be there anymore when i go home. mortality. distance. no-talking. interference.

i really don't understand. so much i want is just right there for the taking, for the loving and for the cherishing, and yet its so complex, so unhappy, so convoluted, so messy.

i seek the exceptional, the different, the interesting. and yet at the same time i wonder on what basis do i have the right to demand such.

i feel that i'm in a different world sometimes. removed, excluded. i'm moving beyond the insignificant. i'm doing my darnest to make a difference.

and for that i'm happy. it is ok to be me.

and i will look at it with a cool indifference. for that's the only way to get through this is it not.

at the end of the day. we return to our own rooms, our own flats, our own worlds. paths intersect in the day, briefly before diverging once more. life is just a whole bunch of such criss-crossing lines that sprawl out, creeping and crawling. and until the day where i get the one that diverges in the day, and intersects in the night...

what i really like about london, is how everyone generally is so sociable. to the point where i become unsociable -.- but i love it how you can just randomly go for supper with ppl you just met at the ball and not be all wary & guarded. its refreshing i must say.

dione scold me for being kancheong about nyc. hahaha.

but i am really looking forward to nyc.

1) first time to nyc
2) nyc + dione will be one hell of an exciting crazy time. hahaha
3) shopping with kaleni
4) i'm looking forward to quiet wandering and roaming among the soho streets, meatpacking district streets, in MOMA, greenwich village, brooklyn, with my ipod plugged in.
5) to sit in cafes, restaurants or in central park, with a book and good food. just letting the world pass me by

a proper full long holiday. 8 days. since possibly france in summer. visiting a place and travelling is more than ticking against a checklist of tourist sites and things to do. its integrating yourself into the city, to see the small little hidden corners. that's what i love the most.

its my first solo trip. and i'm liking this sense of achievement and satisfaction (:

till then, alot of mugging needs to be done.

gah. i'm getting a delayed dose of mid-term blues ): sian.

and i'm super cranky and tired. all i want to do is sleep.

yawns. i've had enough of insinuations, drama and all that unnecessary shit. just piss off alr.

oh though i must say law ball was pretty fun last night (((:

how is it you can fracture my heart so? with the smallest things really.

shrugs. i say fracture not break. but my heart seems to have solidified into this heavy metal mass awhile back, that it can't really break anymore. but merely fracture, with the little crack lines growing more and more each day. but i suppose you do have the ability to smash it. maybe its just an outer-casing of metal, and one day should you break that outer-casing. its either to gain access to what lies inside, or for me to walk away with a lighter heart. haha.

私のこころは　あなたに　ずっと前に　あげました。でも、あなたは　みませんでした。　そして、あなたは　わたしを　みません。　わたしは　なにか　しますか。

too many pictures :p i'm too lazy to comment. haha. lardeedum (: its been one crazy hell of a two weeks. three weeks of quiet nothing-ness (with the exception of angie baby coming down (: ) and then its off to nyc for me!